Boondock Saints told us that everyone’s Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. That doesn’t mean we all celebrate equally though. Here are 7 ways to be a better fake Irish this year. They don’t actually have anything to do with being Irish, but it’s a step up from your standard drunken debauchery.




1. Start with a real Irish Coffee
Most people think an Irish Coffee is just adding a little Jameson to their morning cup of joe. ERRRRR! To make a real Irish Coffee, fill an Irish coffee mug with coffee. Add a sugar cube and fill cup ½ with coffee. Stir until sugar is dissolved, then dump in the Jameson. Lastly pour thick cream slowly over the back of a spoon to layer it on top. Now you’ve got a real drink rather than a poorly hidden alcohol problem.

2. Cleanse yourself in an Irish Spring
Hey, it’s St. Patrick’s Day use Irish Spring.

3. Line your stomach with corned beef and cabbabge
It’s not really a food served much in Ireland, but who cares this is really about gettinga  good base going.

4. Drink great Irish whisky first
St. Patrick’s Day typically means shots of Jameson or other cheap Irish whiskey all day. Lame unless you’re looking forward to a terrible hangover the next morning! Try Teeling Irish Whisky, it comes from the only distillery in Dublin and is a good step up from your average Irish whisky.

5. Drink an Irish beer that isn’t Guinness
Guinness reigns supreme on St. Patrick’s Day, and with good reason. It’s delicious. It’s also easy to find year-around. Most bars and liquor stores stock up on other great Irish beers once a year, and now is your time to capitalize on the variety. Murphy’s Irish Stout is similar to Guinness also check out Beamish or the lighter ale Smithwicks [pronounced “Smit-Ick’s”].

6. Never under any circumstances say St. Patty’s Day
There are people out there that get REALLY pissed if you substitute Patty’s for Paddy’s. Notice the use of Caps Lock ;)  Patty is a women’s nickname while Paddy is short for Patrick. Don’t ask why anyone actually cares, but they do. The last thing you need on a day of celebration is to get into a debate with some drunk Irishman.

7. Don’t pronounce “slàinte” like an tool.

Also see: Irish Playlist for St Paddy’s